By Ryan Dolan
”The only way to keep it is to give it away.”
George Vaillant, Grant Study director
Harvard University’s Grant Study had an ambitious mission from its commencement in 1939: to closely track the lives of 268 Harvard students for decades. A “longitudinal” study (examining a small number of subjects for very long periods of time), the quest was to identify patterns in behaviors, backgrounds, psychology, and health that conspired to create successful and unsuccessful lives.
And what a group of students to study. Part of the legendary “Greatest Generation,” the students were born and came of age in the the Depression, fought in World War II, and then came home and played a role in building the US into the world’s dominant global superpower. Who better to model a successful life than this generation of driven Harvard students?
And yet, the individual life stories varied widely. There were many success stories, and a few luminaries-JFK and Ben Bradlee of the Washington Post to name two. But there were also many sad stories of broken men and broken lives. As an Atlantic profile (highly recommended by the way) pointed out, “by age 50, almost a third of the men had at one time or another met the criteria for mental illness.”
Over decades, certain things stood out. For example, those men who, at age 50, had a stable marriage, avoided smoking, used alcohol sparingly, and exercised and maintained a normal healthy weight, were far more likely to be “happy-well” at 80. Alcohol abuse was singled out as particularly dangerous as it affects physical and psychological health-and was a major factor in many of the men’s lives.
While those observations may seem obvious, there were less intuitive ones as well. The study singled out the importance of what it called a “mature adaptive style” to successful aging. This adaptive style stemmed from a range of traits that were critical to building resilience in the face of the frustration, ambiguity, and suffering that afflicts everyone in life. One of these traits singled out as particularly important? Altruism.
It is a universal desire to have a happy, successful, meaningful life. We all want to build financial freedom and to have the autonomy and independence to live the lives we want. And yet very few of us sustainably achieve the combination of financial security, freedom and happiness. Why?
Work with people and their money long enough and, much like the Grant Study, patterns emerge. Certain behaviors and traits, whether innate or consciously built over time, tend to lead to successful financial outcomes, while others work to inhibit them. Over time, I’ve learned to place enormous importance on the fact that these beneficial traits work - and less on trying to understand why they work.
Almost without exception, the people I know who are the happiest and most fulfilled financially tend to be altruistic and generous people. They are the type of people you just want to be around. While they can be ambitious and strong-willed, these traits are tempered by a deep “other” orientation. Though often quite personally accomplished, they tend toward humility and gratitude. They have a quiet peace and serenity with themselves and their money. They downplay their role in their success, and play up the role of good fortune. Dig enough into their financial and life history, and almost inevitably you will find a deep vein of generosity running through their lives. While initially I thought that was a byproduct of their success, increasingly I think it was a critical catalyst.
Conversely, I’ve seen many financially successful people who don’t exude these qualities. Despite having considerable income and wealth, they don’t seem very happy, content or secure. In their minds, money and success seems to be primarily viewed as a means to fill some inner emptiness. Money is their means and end. It’s all pecking order and relative status. These people are often emotionally brittle and erratic: brimming with ego and self-confidence one day, in a pit of despair and fear the next. They tend to think their success is all about them-their accomplishments, their talent, their ambition. They seem anything but serene and balanced. Almost without exception, these people tend to have little or no altruism. Despite their success, they give little away. They never feel like they have enough, and to give away money-no matter how much they have-seems completely alien to them.
No matter where you fall on the generosity spectrum, we could all benefit from consciously building and fortifying an altruistic mindset. When you start to embrace the fact that your talent and treasure are not all about you, it can radically reshape your relationship with money. You’ll also be happier. An added bonus is you will likely see your financial condition improved over time. I cannot think of a single example where someone I know has materially ratcheted up their giving (within financial reason), where it didn’t translate into increased financial security and abundance down the road. Again, I don’t know why it works-but my experience has shown it does.
Altruism builds a healthy detachment from money-beneficially depersonalizing it. All sorts of errant financial behaviors stem from a lack of detachment. When you work to focus more on gratitude for what you have, and less on what you don’t have, you will often see wasteful spending and materialism decrease as giving increases. I’ve seen generosity stoke a second wind in people’s careers. Often, when people realize that all of their future financial needs have been met, they can lose motivation in their careers. When they move beyond themselves and realize how their generosity can impact their children, grandchildren, or causes they believe in, their career ambition can reignite.
Think this is all goody-goody, impractical “pie-in-the-sky” thinking? I can’t think of anyone I know or have worked with that has embraced this mindset and not had a tangible improvement in their financial condition over time. No one. Ultimately, the more you can embrace the fact that your money is not about you, the happier you will be.
How to start? Target a percentage of income to give away this year (start small). It should be enough that you feel it. We all want financial security, freedom and independence. We all want to be happy and fulfilled. I see no better start than building an altruistic mindset.
Start today.
About Dolan Partners:
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We offer complimentary introductory calls with prospective clients, which are always completely confidential and judgment-free.
Learn more at www.dolanpartners.com